What I’ve Learned From Being in a Relationship
I used to look at photos of couples and didn’t know what to believe, because after all, it’s just a moment in time, right?
“Do they ever fight?”
“How do they communicate?”
“To what extent are they vulnerable with each other?”
As a kid and young adult, I was constantly seeing unhappy relationships/marriages, fighting, betrayal, bickering, and emotional manipulation. So I concluded that “long term relationships are not for me”.
The more I observed, the more I got clear on what I wouldn’t want in a relationship, who I wouldn’t want to be with, how I wouldn’t want someone to treat me, and how I wouldn’t want to communicate with someone.
Little did I realize, while I was getting extra clear on what I didn’t want, it allowed me to get even more clear on what I did want. I spent years emotionally closed off and convinced I wouldn’t find anyone I felt truly safe opening up to.
AND THEN JACK HAPPENED.
It was messy at first. We were both in the process of leaving unfulfilling situations.
It seemed like all odds were against us.
Until they weren’t…
No matter how hard I tried to push him away, I couldn’t. I even tried to say no when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Clearly, I was not successful.
Everything I told myself “wasn’t going to work out”, did. Every negative story and belief I accumulated about relationships was proven wrong. I realized the problem with the relationships I observed was not the fact that it was a relationship, it was the lack of willingness to disrupt limiting patterns and instead, grow together.
Now, here I am, almost a year and a half later and happier than I was in our supposed “honeymoon phase”. Like seriously, we’ve only fought once in our entire relationship, and even that’s a stretch.
A few weeks ago we were laying in bed and I decided to get vulnerable about something that was coming up for me. We ended up talking for hours going deep into the human psyche, our communication defaults, and emotional walls that we put up in certain situations to protect ourselves.
These topics aren’t new to Jack and I, but this was different. It was light, playful, and fun to talk about it.
We were hysterically laughing about how much time we waste trying to snake around each other’s feelings and in reality, we both want to get through the conversation as efficiently and effectively as possible.
This conversation brought light to the possibility of being radically straight forward, vulnerable, and not taking things personally.
We realized that we aren’t “saving” each other when we avoid what is there under all the layers of fluff. At the end of it, we both felt a deep appreciation for each other, and it wouldn’t have been possible without being 100% committed to growing with each other and putting our egos aside.
Moral of the story: We get so wrapped up in thinking that our current experiences will be the same as our past. We think people will act the same. We think we know what’s going to happen, and really, we have no fkn IDEA. What would be possible if you let things happen without any expectations about how they were going to go?
I love you Jack Wentworth and thank you for throwing me a curveball.
Quarantine Regards,
Tay
Professional photos done by Alexis Foust.
