The Source of My Confidence; Why It Matters and How to Get It
I was 14 when I first lead a room full of adults.
And before you say, “The things I was doing when I was 14….”
Don’t worry, I was doing that too :); green juices in the morning, 9 shots of tequila by night. You know the drill: hypocrisy (at it’s finest) excused by a false sense of balance.
I remember standing at the front of the yoga studio, shaking, consumed in my thoughts, and frankly, not paying a sliver of attention to the people in front of me.
All of my experiences and words were clouded by insecurity.
“Am I doing this right?”
“Do they like me?”
“They don’t care what I have to say.”
I considered these “normal thoughts” as if they had no impact.
I WAS WRONG.
These thoughts not only impacted my expression, but how I saw others, how others saw/listened to me, my leadership, and most importantly, my quality of life.
If I wanted to change how I was being and seeing, introspection was the only option.
The default for a lot of us is to say, “Okay, what can I DO to be a better and more confident person/leader,” but we’re searching in the wrong direction.
Our world “out there” changes when we transform our inner world.
When I finally started tapping into this, I felt infinitely more fulfilled, confident, connected, and empowered. Not only did others see and listen to me differently, but the benefits of my inner transformation instantly leaked into my students lives.
“If that’s what the interview was like I’d pay anything to work with you.”
“That class/consultation changed the course of my life.”
“Your confidence is why I’m so fascinated by you. I want that”
So here I go spilling all my secrets so YOU can get access to this, too; confidence that cannot be shaken (95% of the time, we all have our moments), beams out into the work you do, and transforms how you relate with life.
Repeated Positive Experiences
Especially for those of you who have had childhoods lacking reassurance, positive experiences can be extremely helpful in the development of a new and powerful sense of confidence.
Whether we are aiming to be confident in ourselves, our work, or our relationships, doing small things that build our collection of positive experiences will give us the courage to step into bigger and bigger tasks/ways of being as time goes on. If something undesirable does happen, it won’t hold so much weight.
Remember, there is a fine line between staying comfortable and slowly building confidence in this way. A good indicator of being too comfortable is being “shaken” or extremely thrown off when the desired outcome isn’t realized.
Eradication of Overthinking
Nothing inherently has meaning, but we live in a society that attaches meaning to almost everything.
Little do many of us realize, all of our stories, perceived limitations, and fixed perceptions are created through excessive analyzation, which is rooted in creating meaning around things that don’t deserve it.
Of course, our need to validate the things we give meaning to is instinctual, but it’s sadly, not reality. This is the ego trying to attach to what’s safe, comfortable, and warm.
A client once said to me, “I seriously don’t know what I would do without all of the meaning and the weight that I attach to things.” It’s like that.
Meaning puts us in a box. It limits our expression in the world, and it fights to stay alive.
It’s creates more of the same.
Without meaning, we get access to our authentic expression and who we are at our core, because no person or circumstance can change the infinite power that lies within us.
Strengthening Your “Sit with Oneself and the Process” Muscle
Those who are confident enjoy their own company and don’t reach for an adult version of a pacifier to avoid unwanted emotions.
Numbing out is easy, but sitting with yourself takes confidence.
It requires an immense amount of presence and willingness to “be in the hotseat” with oneself and challenging circumstances.
Someone who is insecure lives in reaction to life and is jumping towards the finish line, only to realize that finish line is a figment of their imagination. They relate with life through the lens of themselves, taking everything personally, and creating their own reality through their insecurities.
Choose Your Mentors Carefully
The right mentors will both guide you to the edge and affirm you when necessary.
My biggest lesson in mentorship is that you will receive the mentors that your current self needs to move to the next level. If you are being who you say you are, the right mentors will appear. They will sense you’re at the edge of a breakthrough and pull what’s necessary out of you for you to get the breakthrough you’ve been searching for.
Creating a deep inner confidence in yourself is not an easy job for most of us, and most of the time, not something we can do alone. It takes high-level inquiry/coaching, implementation, and commitment.
Lucky for you, my 10-week mentorship program, Leadership Accelerator has 2 MORE SPOTS left and we teach proven systems to get you all of this and more.
Click here to fill out your application and schedule an interview with me.
Comment below and let me know what you thought of this, I’d love to hear from you
Talk soon,
Tay