The Most Important Lesson In Leadership; Finding the Greyzone
We live in a world where black-and-white thinking has been normalized.
Right or wrong. Yes or no. Good or bad. Red or blue. Discipline or play. Empathy or authority. Competition or cooperation.
When there's no “in-between” or balance between two extremes, we create a rupture in the connection we have with ourselves and others. With ourselves, black-and-white thinking/extremism locks us out of healthy boundaries, balance, and creativity. With others, it locks us out of unity, service, and connection.
Black-and-white thinking is always accompanied by division, in whatever form it takes. We see others as separate or ourselves as “different”.
As conscious leaders, we simply cannot live like this because...
Extremism is not leadership.
Contrary to popular belief, leadership is neutral.
It sees both sides. It sees indifferences and not only accepts them but loves them, regardless of how extreme they are. It does what it needs to do to create balance. It balances out polarities.
We all lead ourselves in some way, for better or for worse.
Now more than ever, we need balance and we need to tap into our humanity. We need to disrupt the behaviors and ways of leading that are creating division and fear. Period.
In order to do that, you need to trust that there is room for both; the yes and the no, the good and the bad, the red and the blue, the discipline and the play, the empathy and the authority, the competition, and the cooperation. These are called polarities.
A positive-positive polarity would be something like discipline and play; they both yield positive results when properly balanced. Neither ever fully dominates over the other and as Barry Johnson, Polarity Management Consultant states, “You cannot choose one as a ‘solution’ and neglect the other. The objective is to get the best of both opposites while avoiding the limits of each.”
Positive-positive polarities are self-correcting, but almost anything can turn into a negative polarity with excess. Even something like self-awareness can become detrimental when we have too much of it. If we are “too self-aware”, we quickly become analyzers and immersed in thought all-the-time. Not fun.
On the other hand, a positive-negative polarity would be fear and love; one has a negative impact and one has a positive impact.
I am a peacemaker at heart, so the grey zone (the balance between two extremes) comes relatively easy for me. After years of bridging the gap between two extremes (in my own household), how I see the world and other people has greatly transformed for the better because it is what makes me relatable. The more masterful I’ve become with this, the more I realize finding the grey zone is a matter of empathy and balance.
But here’s the catch… and you’re not gonna like it.
People typically don’t like when you “understand both sides” or when they’re on the other side of a boundary that helps you create balance in your life. I’ve learned this the hard way. Most people want you to be constrained simply because it’s easier for them. The fewer boundaries you have, the more they can abuse them. The less they have to understand someone else’s perspective, the more they have to confront their stubbornness. Sadly it’s tough work and not many people are willing to do it.
This may cause disruption on your end, feeling guilty for their inability to receive the impact of your ability to set boundaries and empathize with those that they fail to. Just remember: it’s not your leadership, it’s their blindspots.
Rational or “grey-zone” thinking opens up the space to be directly related to life; attached to nothing and connected to everything. Just because they aren’t on this path with you doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty for it.
They respond like this because they’re in reaction to life, or their resisting critical thinking. Their ability to step out of this depends on how they were raised and their response to that nurturing or lack thereof. It depends on their environment; how they live, who they spend their time with, where they go in their spare time. It depends on what they choose to listen to, and the extent to which they’re willing to open up their hearts and minds to new perspectives. But ultimately, it depends on their willingness to keep evolving.
There are plenty of “leaders” in the world that play along with the old systems and old ways of leading, simply because they haven’t seen the magic of the other side. They just don’t know.
It’s easy to play small, to react, or to play into old ways of living or leading.
And since you’re still reading this, I know that’s not what you want. You want to stop leaking your energy in places that don’t deserve it, letting other people's opinions affect your ability to create balance and experience the bigness of life.
Tell me I’m wrong :).
If you want more of this and you are ready to transform your life and leadership, you better act fast. There are only 2 SPOTS left in my 10-week signature mentorship program, Leadership Accelerator.
Talk soon,