The 10 Commandments of Highly-Impactful Leadership Pt. 01
A very important, but unsaid truth: We want more than just a boss, a teacher, mentor, coach, spouse, or friend.
WE WANT LEADERSHIP.
We want someone who can relate to us; communicate so we feel seen, heard, and understood; someone who deeply understands themselves, and someone who can show us the way to our own greatness.
And instead… many leaders stay stagnant or stuck because they’re trying to do things “right” or “perfectly”, play it safe, focus on making money more than serving their clients, only “lead” in one area of their life, and don’t know how to navigate the complexity of the things that hold them back.
We put the real leadership on the back-burner and the bandaid leadership on the frontline.
WE NEED LEADERS THAT ARE WILLING TO STEP INTO THE KIND OF LEADERSHIP THAT PROPELS US FORWARD AS A HUMAN RACE.
If you want to strengthen your leadership and amplify your impact in your personal and professional life, this framework rocked my world and I’m sure it will rock yours too. Over the course of 3 weeks, I will be sharing all of the principles you need to know to step into your potential as a leader.
If you want to get the UPDATED version of these commandments (I’m always developing them), download my comprehensive freebie here.
Get present
The concept and action of getting present is by far the most important commandment in this series. It is the baseline to your transformation, as well as your clients, students, and teams. The rest of the commandments simply cannot exist without it.
A mentor once said to me, “All of your answers are right here. They’re in this moment. It is not something you have to think about. Just look.” When you master presence, you will master the ability to implement what is truly needed, rather than what the thinking brain thinks is needed.
The mind can often be a barrier between us, our authentic leadership, and our connection with the people we are leading. In order to lead effectively, we have to be able to tap into our natural ability to be rational and empathetic.
Or… our judgement will be clouded with delusion and we will lead from a place of “default”. We will end up side-stepping crucial opportunities to create transformation within ourselves and others.
To effectively lead, we have to disrupt our default conditioning to be right, selectively listen, project shame and fear on others, all of which requires a high level of presence.
Many of us avoid getting present for three reasons:
It’s easier to be in default
Our “presence muscle” needs to be worked
We don’t viscerally understand the power of it or what we will “get from it”
When I am not present in my own leadership, I miss vital cues and needs from the people I am trying to serve. I step into a state of “controlling” the space, rather than creating a container where people feel seen, heard, and understood, which is also necessary for people to buy from you : ). I let the stories I have about myself get in the way of giving powerful tools and direction to the people I am leading.
When I am present, I gain the ability to powerfully lead, as do you.
A synergy will get created with the people you are leading, and you will become hyper-aware of what needs to be done to create radical and lasting transformation.
Action Item: Ask yourself…
When I am leading from presence, what happens?
What I am leading from default, what happens?
come from humanity
“To influence others, you must already know what influences them.” - Tony Robbins
You cannot change or alter how someone thinks if you don’t deeply understand how they think.
You cannot alter how someone thinks if you don’t have a deep understanding of how you think. By understanding the general concepts of how you think, you can then relate to others. When you relate to others, you make them feel seen, heard, and understood. When you make them feel seen, heard, and understood, they listen and are more likely to be persuaded and therefore, influenced.
So, to influence others, you must already know what influences them and yourself.
Have you ever met someone that made you think, “Wow, you kiiinda just get me…” If I had to take a wild guess, those are the same people who have made the most profound impact on your life.
You will amplify your impact if you master the art of relatability.
To effectively relate, you have to understand how you operate.
We can use our understanding of the human condition in more ways than connecting with our clients or up-leveling our leadership. We can actually use it to change the quality of our entire lives.
Ask yourself… Where in your life are you stuck? Consider if you get un-stuck in this area of your life, you will be able to teach other’s how to get unstuck in this area as well.
Action item… Use your knowledge of your own tendencies to create relatability and influence with your clients, teammates, colleagues, loved ones, etc. Get curious about what this looks like for you.
Understand how your limiting beliefs play a role in your leadership
There are two ways we can respond to life.
Limited: We can let our trauma and experiences harden us, forcing us into a state of victimization, blame, and emotional stagnancy. These behaviors funnel into our language and limit how we see ourselves, others, and the world. This is the human default.
For ex, imagine years of telling yourself, “I get defensive a lot. I’ve always been like that, it’s just part of my personality.”
If you were saying this, it may feel like, “I’m being so vulnerable right now, and it’s just how it is. I’m being realistic.”
But by telling that story to yourself that in reality, isn’t true, becomes fact, according to you. So this defensiveness continues, because you have created it as a part of your identity and who you are. If you have someone who is outrageously defensive in your life and will never take responsibility for anything, you know this is bigger of a deal than it may seem on paper.
OR..
Unlimited: We can let our trauma and experiences give us powerful insights about ourselves and use those insights to progress internally, interpersonally, and globally.
For ex, imagine years of telling yourself, “In the past, I have been defensive, and each day, I’m taking radical steps to my commitment in transforming that behavior.”
Which one do you think will get rid of the habit? The first person, or the second person?
What’s interesting, is that in the heat of the moment, it’s our default to think that the limited way of thinking is “right”, simply because it’s easier and fuels our ego.
Listen to understand
This commandment goes hand and hand with being present and disrupting our “default” egoic state. Listening from an egoic state would mean “listening” with the intention of responding rather than listening to what is actually being said, pausing, and then responding.
IF YOU AREN’T LISTENING TO THE PEOPLE YOU ARE LEADING, HOW DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO TRUST YOU?
Good answer.
They won’t.
The most powerful gift we can give to our clients above anything else is the gift of understanding them. As their coaches, mentors, or bosses, we have the ability to see and understand them in a way that (maybe) no one ever has before.
With all the time we spend looking for the answers, we miss out on what they are really trying to communicate to us.
When we listen to understand, rather than respond, it opens up space for them to be vulnerable and deeply discover what’s possible for themselves within the conversation. When this happens, they will be doing most of the coaching/leading.
Action Item: Ask yourself…
Where in my life do I listen to respond?
Where in my life do I listen to understand?
What outcome do I lock myself out of if I am listening to respond with the people I am leading?
Practice…
Listen to understand, with an awareness of the human condition and lots of empathy.
Take two big breaths before answering.
Respond thoughtfully based on what’s "right here”.
And that’s it, folks.
Next week, I’ll be posting the next 3 commandments.
Gentle reminder: it’s one thing to read all of this and then go about your day, but I want you to treat this blog post like you’re going to go teach and educate it’s contents, even if that requires reading it again.
Go make miracles,
Tay Lauren