The 10 Commandments of Highly-Impactful Leadership .02
As promised, I am writing this week in effort to deliver the methodology that has changed my life and leadership from the inside, out. If you haven’t read part one yet, read it here and then come back for more.
This series will give you a strong sense of how your internal world leadership relates to your external world leadership.
You can master your external world: business, communications, and jobs, but if you don’t master your internal world: your thoughts, reactions, and emotional states, you will never become a badass leader who’s is balanced and internally fulfilled.
I know you want that, so let’s get into it…
LEAD FROM A FULL CUP
I spent years trying to surpass something that literally exists protect me (self-sabotage at it’s finest). Just until a few weeks ago, I didn’t understand the power of setting boundaries or what it had to do with my proactivity, productivity, and contribution.
Without boundaries, you may feel…
burnt out
stuck/unmotivated
depressed
uninspired
You also may find yourself saying, “I’ve tried everything. Nothing’s working. I’m still upset”, when really, all you “needed” to do was find where you’re giving your power away and leaking vital energy.
With boundaries, you will feel…
grounded
proactive
fulfilled
Many of us struggle to set boundaries with others simply because we feel responsible for the other persons emotions and fear that they will take it the wrong way. Setting boundaries with ourselves can be challenging because it’s easier to not set them or it validates who we already think we are, not who we want to be.
Ask yourself… Do you struggle to set boundaries? Why? Does it relate to your need to please others? Or because it’s too hard?
Where are you spending time on meaningless bs? Where are you leaking your energy?
Action item… Set 1-3 needed boundaries with yourself or others.
LEAD FROM WHOLE AND COMPLETE
This may be hard for you to hear, but your clients don’t need to work with you to transform their lives. They are fully capable of doing so themselves.
“But no, that’s why they’re working with me, because they cannot do it on their own.”
Love you, but no.
They already have all of the answers they “need” inside of themselves, as do you.
Nothing about them needs to be “fixed” or “changed”. Implying this would mean that something is wrong with them, and I promise you, nothing is wrong with your clients.
YOUR CLIENTS ARE EXTREMELY SMART.
If you look and speak to your clients like there’s something wrong with them, they will be able to feel that.
Have you ever had a conversation where the other person was just trying to make you wrong or fix you and you sat there like..?
That’s not what you want.
You want connection. You want them to feel seen, heard, and understood. You want them to feel related to you. These are all the foundations of both connection and selling. (I’m no expert on marketing (right now), but my mentors swear by this :) )
Action Item: Ask yourself…
Where in your life and leading are you trying to “fix” people?
Where in your life do you have full confidence that the people you are speaking to are whole and complete and nothing needs to be changed?
Who can you have a conversation with that you’ve tried to “fix” (could be subconscious) that you can apologize to?
HOLD POWERFUL SPACE
I’m sure you’ve heard the term, “hold space” in the personal development/spiritual world, but what does it really mean? In short, it means making the people you are communicating with or leading feel heard, seen, and understood.
How do you do that, though?
Have you ever been with someone who’s happy all the time? And your gut feeling tells you, “hmmm… what are they hiding?”
Have you ever tried to share something vulnerable or sad with that person?
If you have, you know that rational people are not overly positive, they acknowledge circumstance and see potential. By being (inauthentically) happy all the time they don’t give you the “space” to be sad, and vice versa.
If you have a very angry person in your life, they’re most likely going to be the last person you go to when you share something exciting.
Another example: In a world full of radical black and white thinkers, does it make you feel like your rational and empathetic voice can be heard?
The most powerful teachers in my life have shown me the hurt, the sadness, the trauma, the happiness, the potential, and the laugher. We literally need all of those emotions (in moderation) to function at our best. Subconsciously forcing ourselves or our clients to not feel even one of those emotions can cause a whirlwind of issues and consequences.
The second part of mastering holding space for others is knowing when to shut the hell up vs. when provide input and coaching. Ultimately, sometimes your clients and the people in your life just need to be listened to.
What’s the biggest thing you took from this? Tell me in the comments below.
Quarantine Regards,
Tay Lauren