The 3 Sources of Suffering Every Leader Needs to Know About (swipe em’ here)
Human beings like to suffer.
We analyze and think our way through problems, rather than responding to them as a moment to moment curiosity. What I mean by this is instead of letting things happen and getting curious about how to move forward based on right now, our default is to sink deep into the trap of analysis, fixation, and “making things right”. This creates an internal and external world filled with forceful, stressful, and sporadic energy. We then complain about how much we hate stress and “feeling like this” and reaffirm beliefs that relate back to our old conditioning.
Can you see how this is cyclical?
We over-analyze when something happens that’s out of our control, become stressed, and then blame our response on the circumstances in order to reaffirm a belief that was already “put in place” by our conditioning.
For example, if you already see the world from a place of “something bad is always going to happen”, that’s what you’re going to look for and therefore, always see. When something unpleasant does happen, you say to yourself, “SEE! Bad stuff ALWAYS happens to me. It never ends.” This way of seeing the world dates back to your childhood. Breaking free from this requires unlearning those ways of seeing the world, and removing the suffering associated with it in the present moment.
If you’re not laughing to yourself (about yourself) or thinking, “Hmmm, that does sound a little fishy,” consider me concerned.
Why am I telling you all of this?
It matters
Your life depends on it
When you can become aware of the ways in which you suffer and more importantly, break free from them, you will lead, speak, communicate, and live, and a completely new way. You will be able to spend so much less energy fixating, controlling, fighting life and spend a hell of a lot more time being free, liberated, and connected.
True leadership isn't about what you are doing (this includes thinking), it's about who you are being.
Let me repeat…
TRUE LEADERSHIP ISN’T ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING, IT’S ABOUT WHO YOU ARE BEING.
In order to be a leader that people gravitate towards (in your work and in your life), you have to extract yourself from suffering so you can clear your space and be for other people.
LEADERSHIP IS INTUITIVE.
Contrary to popular belief, it is not a matter of thinking. You want to be the type of human that when you’re around, liberation happens. People feel liberated to be themselves around you when they see that you’re already free. When you’re around, community happens. When you’re around, relatability happens. Creating all of this requires the embodiment of leadership, not just doing leadership tactics.
You can know alllll the leadership formulas in the world, but people won’t be left in their own greatness as a result of who you are if you aren’t embodying who you say you are. People can smell that, I promise.
Leadership is knowing you have choice.
Leadership is looking at someone in the eye and not caring if it makes them uncomfortable.
Leadership is calling someone instead of texting them.
Leadership is knowing when you're avoiding the people that need the most support.
Leadership is confronting someone when there's something preventing you from connecting fully and taking 100% ownership.
Leadership is creating a fire in people's hearts rather than getting warmed by the fire around you.
Leadership is making your services accessible.
Leadership is speaking to humanity.
Leadership is embodying what you stand for and empowering others to do the same.
Many of us know this. We know these things make us the leaders we are capable of being. But the problem is, we don't live like this.
If you aren’t doing these things, you will experience some level of suffering. That suffering will filter into how you lead, live, communicate, and so much more.
In other words, there's a gap, a bridgeable gap, between who you are being vs. who you know to be. Your students, your team, and your clients need you to be the kind of leader that is always in the work of closing that bridgeable gap.
The reason why we don't live like this is for 3 not so little reasons.
These things that get in the way of our leadership dictate and author every decision we make, who we speak to, who we don't speak to, who we relate to, who we don't relate to, who we are, who we are not, what work we do and don't pursue, what people we do and don't pursue, etc.
It's KIND OF A BIG DEAL, ha.
Delusion
Delusion is when we are relating to life through a story that we have about ourselves, the world, or other people. It is often fixed and based on our conditioning and trauma. In this state, there are things in between us and what is right in front of us, rather than living from a place of NOTHING is between us and what is right in front of us, you knowww?
Delusion can be as complex as a man wandering in the street on drugs and as simple as a coach with judgment in his/her way of really seeing other people.
Attachment
In my opinion, clinging is arguably our biggest source of suffering. Our leadership NEEDS to be a process of letting go. If we are not letting go of something, we are not creating space for new ways of communicating, leading, living, loving, etc. If we are not creating space for new ways of living, we cannot grow as leaders and as humans.
Clinging or attaching can look like….
Still mourning an ex-lover after 5 years.
Attaching to a certain part of our identity (anything that comes after, “I am ____”). Ex: A white person, a yoga teacher, not a singer, not a fan of doing tedious things. I'm just stating surface-level ones, but you get the point
Aversion
True leadership brings us to a place where there is nothing between us and what's right in front of us. When we avoid and resist reality, though, we numb.
Aversion repels the right people. It repels the people you've always wanted to be in your circle, clients, opportunities, liberation, money, getting a raise, impactful-leadership, strong communication, forgiveness, and so much more.\
When you are aware of these three things, you have the opportunity to break through the things that are holding you back from being the fiery, unshakable leader that's already inside of you.
Ask yourself….
Where in your life are you in delusion?
Where in your life are you attaching or clinging to certain realities/ways of thinking/ways of seeing?
Where are you avoiding something that you can confront with ease?
Where are you “not a clear space"? With people? In your work? In your relationships? Now go clear the space.
Where in your life can you take full 100% ownership? Especially in the places where you think the other person is at fault. Now go do it.
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Enjoyed this blog? Comment your biggest takeaway below! I’d love to hear your thoughts.