How to Step Into Your Fullest Potential
In our developing years, each of us acquired a core belief that we were on some level, inadequate.
This inadequacy has forced us into living a life where our identity is pulling the strings on it’s own master. Because of this, we have become immune to our current level of suffering, without realizing how much impact that suffering has on our potential and being up to something much greater than ourselves.
We are stuck living in our heads, creating self-perpetuating realities that are in opposition to what we want, and immersed in internal conflict and victimization.
So in this blog, I will be speaking to how we have formed our current identity and reality based on a meaning we attached to an experience we had when we didn’t have the ability to think for ourselves (and how you can heal this).
Read that again.
Because we didn’t have the capacity to have a strong sense of self, the things that happened to or around us were amplified. In other words, almost everything was traumatic as a child, and we didn’t know how to *not* take things personally because we were dependent upon the validation of those around us.
I.E. At 4 years old, if mommy and daddy were in the other room fighting and you tried to stop it, but couldn’t, you may have walked away from that experience with a “core belief” that your voice “doesn’t matter”. NOTE: Although this is a minimal example, it doesn’t hold any less truth if it were a more intense experience.
The rest of the story goes a little something like this:
STEP 1 | THE COLLECTOR
After you have an experience and create meaning from it, you become what I like to call, “the collector”. You collect experiences that validate the meaning you created from the experience (the core belief) and what you already believe about yourself. In the previous example, the meaning/story would be that “you don’t matter” and THAT becomes the lens through which you perceive the world and interpret your experiences.
STEP 2 | THE ACCORDANCE LAW
You act in accordance with the core belief. All of the decisions you make revolve around that one core belief. Now that you choose to listen to the story that “you don’t matter”, you may DO things like:
Suppress your emotions and thoughts.
Avoid setting boundaries.
People please.
Speak in disempowering language because of your attachment to the core belief (typically un or subconscious)
Rely on external validation for your sense of self.
Ultimately -- self-sabotage your potential, your business, and your relationships.
At first glance, these behaviors may not seem like a big deal, but in reality, the impact is catastrophic. These behaviors not only shape your current reality, but your future, the quality of your relationships, your level of fulfillment, your ability to take action on the things you want in your life, and so much more.
STEP 3 | THE IDENTIFICATION
This is where you mask the self-sabotage (which sources from the core belief) as your personality, and if you listen close enough, you will discover that this part of ourselves is very clearly expressed in our language. You’ll hear other people (or yourself) say things like...
→ “This is just who I am, I’ve always been _____.” (Putting yourself in a box and limiting yourself from being any other way).
→ “Everyone always treats me like this.” (When in reality we are at the source of the treatment because we don’t set boundaries, people please, etc).
→ “It doesn’t matter, it’s fine.” (There’s a part of me that wants to share but I “can’t” because my voice doesn’t matter).
As you can see, we validate these stories about ourselves in various ways; through our environment, language, parents, and experiences by continuing to collect meaning.
It’s funny… we blame others for “triggering us”, but in reality, we are constantly retraumatizing ourselves through our own internal dialogue by letting false beliefs run our lives and limit our expression in the world. We resist getting to the root of these things, but in reality, this is what gives you the power to change. This is not to say the way you lead your life currently is “your fault”. Of course, it is not, but it IS your responsibility to heal these things so you can live a life that’s fulfilling as hell.
So how do you heal this? How do you discover “what is you?” Let’s dive deep.
Understand What Is Not You
Consider the person you are today is not fit for the type of waves and impact you want to create in the world. In order to become the type of person that can be, do, and have everything you want in life, you have to first understand the foundation your current reality is currently built off of and the identity you cling to. You have to understand the old software that is running your entire life. Only then, can you shift it.
And, also understand that your current identity (how you speak, how you act, what you wear, how you speak to yourself and others, etc) is how it is because it served an incredible purpose; surviving. It has a purpose, and, there is infinite power in knowing when to let it tf go.
If who you are is a learned behavior, who says you cannot learn to be a different way?
Let It Go
Learning to be a different way would require us to update and upgrade our current software. This is so challenging for us on both a small and large scale because it requires us to step out of familiarity and into uncertainty. Our need to be safe prevents us from thinking creatively and with abundance simply because we’ve bought into narratives that source from survival mode. We have to be radically committed to taking the leap in *feeling unsafe* and willing to change the narrative from “I don’t want to do this” → “I get to recreate who I am in order to get the life that I want.”
Because ultimately, the most beautiful thing we can do as adults is to unlearn the things we didn’t have the self-awareness or capacity to do when our brains were developing.
Who you are right now is perfect, and, if what you want is to ascend to a higher level of consciousness and maximize your impact on the world, you have to let go of the programming that isn’t working to make space for what does.
Recreate Your Vision
You have the capacity to author and create a completely new life for yourself because what you are not changing, you are choosing. Your vision may scare you because the vibration of it is different than anything you have ever pressed your mind to think of. It may take you places you wouldn’t necessarily go, and my ask of you is to let that be scary AND exciting.
So here’s what I want you to do… After you’ve discovered which parts of your identity don’t serve the future you want to create and let it go -- drop what you know and take 20 minutes to envision your future BEYOND your limitations; without editing. Just write. Don’t let your pen come off the paper.
Then… Write down the top 5 qualities you need to have in order to accomplish those things.
Want more? This is only a glimpse of the process I take my students through in Leadership Accelerator, my 12-week mentorship program for (aspiring) coaches that want to accelerate their self-mastery and become highly impactful leaders.
Curious? Join the waitlist here.